Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
