With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
