Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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