BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
