Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
