are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
