we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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