Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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