Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
