you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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