it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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