She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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