and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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