Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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