So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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