whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
