He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
