hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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