i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
