last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
