My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
