Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
