Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
