There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
