maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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