Pappa wants mamma naked
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
