seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
