You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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