That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
