i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
