How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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