Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
