Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
