There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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