shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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