I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize