i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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