Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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