when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
