We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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