I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
