I'm jealous of your bromance
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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