Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
