Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
