its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
