Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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