Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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