You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
