i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
