they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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