her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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