never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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