I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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