i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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