Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
