i don't like sucking hair
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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