Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
