It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
