dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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