I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
