The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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