True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
