bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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