How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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