Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
