Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
