Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
