I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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