so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
