I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
