it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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