I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize