The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
